Thursday, 27 August 2015

RCUK Grants to be Delayed 'Until the First of Never'

A successful Research Council applicant awaits his grant.
Following on the heels of the BBSRC's announcement that it would be delaying the start of responsive mode grants until after 1 January 2016, the umbrella organisation for the Research Councils, RCUK, has gone ones step further. In a press release written in crayon it stated that all seven of the Councils would delay the start of grants 'until the first of never'. 

'In order for the Research Councils to manage their budgets effectively,' ran the statement, '[and] allowing for additional investments whilst also maintaining their responsive mode commitments and success rate, we are intending to not actually hand out any money.'

Wednesday, 26 August 2015

The Life of McKinsey, Nurse and Brian

The People's Review of the Research Councils.
Or is it the Popular Research Council Review?
Earlier this month it became clear that the Department of Business, Innovation and Skills had commissioned management consultants McKinsey to review its budget and recommend where cuts could be made. At the same time the Nurse Review is ongoing.

Now read on.

The sewers below Death Star House. A group of revolutionaries, freedom fighters and management consultants are talking in urgent whispers.

McKinsey (for it is he): Once in the building, timing will be of the essence. There's a Research Council feast later in the evening, so we must move fast. And don't wear your best sandals. Turning left here, we enter the Geoffrey Crossick Memorial Sewer, and from there proceed directly to the hypocaust. This has just been retiled, so consultants: careful with those weapons! We will now be directly beneath Rylance's audience chamber itself. This is the moment we strike!